Cherish

A few months ago when I was in Paris, I published a post mentioning that I do not know how to miss someone.

I left it hanging there when I had wanted to elaborate further: How do you begin to develop a longing ache for a person? How do you constantly wish that someone is here with you? What does it even mean to miss someone?

I sound like an unemotional and insolent asshole dismissing not just the people who have told me that they miss me but other people who miss people in general. But I was really clueless and I had really meant all of these back then. I don't know how to react when someone told me that he/she misses me. Like..really? It sounds like a simple line to articulate in a conversation to me. "Miss you, take care!" Okay, I do think that it's a genuine expression of concern but it doesn't mean that the person has used the phrase 'I miss you' right. I do think of people occasionally, but that's not equivalent to missing them. You get me?

I did think of my mum and hoped she's doing fine, then I moved on to my grandmother and after doing what appears to be a mental checklist, I carried on with my life. Is this called missing them? I don't think so. Maybe I have a warped conception of 'missing'. It is often associated with a tinge of melancholy, an ache and even a state of sadness in general. Throughout my stay in Paris, there was not once I felt homesick. My sister's boyfriend took a step further and said that I'm not homesick, I'm sick of home. Well, that's not true.

So when I returned from Paris, I met up with my floorball coach from River Valley days and told her what I feel about missing someone. It started because I was sharing about how detached I am as a person to my surroundings.


Coach: "You know if you continue this way, you'll end up alone right."

Me: "But.. I'm not someone who is easily attached to someone. That's why I don't really miss people too. It's not my thing." 

Coach: "You didn't even miss your parents when you were there?"

Me: "Mmmm. I did think of them from time to time, but it's not like I miss them, you get me?"

We shared a few moments of silence and then she asked me: "remember there's once I told you guys that I can just die with no regrets then? I was wrong."

"When someone made such a remark, he or she didn't have any regards about their family. It's a very irresponsible thing to say. It implies that you can just leave your family, the very people who raised you up and take care of you, behind." 

I wasn't quite sure what point my coach was driving at and how it is related to missing someone, so I continued to listen.

"When you cherish someone, you'll miss them. You'll want to share with them about the things in your life, you'll wish they can be there to enjoy what you enjoy." 

And so I got her point. I was a little taken aback. So if I don't miss my parents, I don't cherish them? That sounds pretty harsh. I wanted to refute her point but I realised I couldn't even be 100% confident in proclaiming that I cherish them. If I say that I cherish them, what have I done to show that I really did? I was away from home most of the time, I didn't contribute much to the household. Most of the time all I did was to receive and receive their love. I was so incredibly selfish.

Coach: "The reason you don't miss them could be that you're still young. You are very caught up with your own life. So caught up that you didn't think of including them in your activities." 

Indeed, so busy growing up that I forgot my own folks are growing old. I took my coach's words to heart and made it a point to look at my family more, to gravitate towards them more. Then I start to see and feel so many things that I didn't. For a start, I'm so glad to have my older sister.

Looked like shit here 

For being the first to welcome me home and fetch me home with her boyfriend's car, for many playful spits and wrestles despite our age now.

Also, for my younger sister who has grown up so much now. For being the most expressive out of us all, giving me the biggest hug and writing diet plan for me (LOL). Stay tuned k guys, I am going to adhere to a STRICT exercise and diet plan, after CNY of course.

Not just my nuclear family really, but also my extended family members like my uncles from my maternal side. 

I felt really bad for not inviting them to my birthday party. My mum and sis were right for reprimanding me that I always put my friends first.. But come to think about it, I enjoy myself the most during family gatherings in times like CNY and weddings. When my grandmother starts to tell stories of our childhood and of relatives, I will always end up in bouts of laughter. My grandfather, too, is a really interesting and secretly romantic man.

Just yesterday, he drove us (the granddaughters only) out for supper takeaway. He inserted the oldies karaoke disc into music player and we had fun jamming to it. On our way back, my younger cousin made a remark on a singer's name: "陈小云, eh 是不是婆婆的名字" (chen xiao yun, is this popo's name)? And all of us burst out laughing because my grandma's name is not xiao yun but swee yong HAHAHA. Then, grandpa started sharing: "上个星期，我在电台点歌给你婆婆." All of us went WOAHHHHHH. Song dedication on the radio, by a 76-year-old ah gong to his 72-year-old wife? That's the most romantic thing I have heard this year. LOL.

"那个四点的节目，马来西亚的电台。我写信去叫他们播放生日快乐歌，至给你婆婆。”
（I wrote a letter to the Malaysian FM radio 109.45 z to dedicate a birthday song to your grandmother.)

A letter??? We were shocked. Like a handwritten one?? Then my cousin said, "Orhhh 公公，是不是那时候你叫我拿下去丢的?" And my grandpa said, "ah 对了!" We all went crazy in the car LOL.

“你婆婆生日嘛，所以给她惊喜。下午我开radio跟她所那节目的歌很好听的喔，然后她的名字跑出来，你阿婆笑到牙齿脱"
("I want to give your grandma a birthday surprise. So in the afternoon, I switched on the radio and told her she have to listen to their songs! When your grandma's name came up and she realised what's going on, she had a really good laugh.")


Awwwwwww seriously heart melts. Just like

我叫刘德华唱给你听！

So yup, my point is, cherish your family. We are at the stage where we're busy applying for internships, looking for jobs, writing thesis or simply studying, but this is also the stage where our family members age rapidly. We can't only focus on one aspect of our lives and neglect the rest. The ability to multi-task and manage time are essential to our future successes anyway. 

That said, happy lunar new year everyone! Have a good break :-)