Release

“我会学着放弃你，是因为我太爱你”

This line is extracted from, in my opinion, the best song Jay Chou has ever composed - "安静". I did not quite get this logic when I was young(er) as I have always been a firm believer that you should never give up on the things you love, "even if the object of your affection is begging you to". But in the process of growing up, I came to realise that letting go is a form of love too. It is not done due to the loss of love, but out of love. Because you love yourself enough to walk away from the wreck, because you love the person even more than yourself so you want him/her to achieve the happiness that he/she deserves, that is not possible with you. 

A week ago, I was hanging out with my favourite group of friends from NUS, and we touched on the complexity of relationship issues and the difficulty in breaking up . D made a very impactful point which is much relevant to what I have mentioned above. "He only wants you to stay for his own happiness. He knows that he is not making you happy. That's not love, that's just selfish." So very well-said. Sometimes, the truth is simple and obvious yet we are blind to it. When a relationship degrades to the point of no return, it is clear that ending the relationship is best for both sides. But often times, either party will try to cling on and claim that he/she loves the other too much to do without the other, and then try to guilt-trip or even threaten the partner to stay. I say, let go. Let go if you truly love the person like you claim and want the best for him/her. If humans are inherently selfish, love is our saving grace. You may disagree with me, but to me, love is selfless. 

Easier said than done, the initial stage is definitely hard. If you have really felt a real connection (even if it's one-sided) with someone, you would understand the struggle within yourself when you have to make the painful decision to cut off contact with the person. Sure, you can force yourself to think of all the bad things of that person - his or her crooked smile, occasional bad breath, unshaved arms etc. or even hate him/her. Everybody has different methods in moving on and I'd have to say this is the most effective one for most. Not for me though. I tend to remember only the good memories and so they often jump at me at any random hour of the day, hold onto me like a leech, give me false hopes and refuse to let me move forward. Sometimes I try to balance the good memories with bad ones and end up having a protracted battle with myself in the head. It's so frustrating, so upsetting. I want to scream but all that comes out from my mouth is silence, or rather, a choke. This repeats every. single. day. 

However, gradually, you learn to accept what's gone and find peace in yourself as days go by. The pain subsides with every waking hour miraculously as if every long good sleep is a dose of medicine and there are fairies and elves working on pulling bad thoughts out of your brains while you're in dreamland. It's no longer sad. Slowly, you form a definite idea of how to look at your past, what kind of experience that is and more importantly, how you are going to look at the person from now on. Bad breakups beget bad impressions, naturally. But I always find it a pity if two people who were once in love or had great chemistry in terms of a friendship, end up bearing grudges and hating each other. Think about it. He or she was the person you looked forward to spending your life with, his or her qualities were what you once found attractive. Surely even if the person you initially fell in love with has changed, that person is still in him/her someway somehow? Well, yes, there is only a thin line separating love from hate, but hatred is the thief of peace. While it is certainly none of my business to judge or intervene in other people's relationships, I do hope that my loved ones can always find peace in their closure.

"I am not lost to you. You can always find me in your words. That's where I live on forever." - The Book Thief 

People don't forget each other. It's only a matter of what they choose to remember you as. For me, you'll always be a sweet serendipity.